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Friday, December 2, 2005

December 2nd 2005 Diary Entry



Dec2 I can’t sleep. I feel sick. I feel sad. I feel yukky. I feel like giving up. I worked so hard to save my $3500. For 10 months I worked 6 days a week so I could save that money.

That 66 hours I worked one week, and 48 another was all for that money.
Then I broke my foot and all I could think about was how I’d never get to america. my savings dropped to $2000. Recently to reduce my debts I took another $1000 out.

For a year of very hard work that had a purpose, all I have is a desktop and a grand. That’s it. That’s nothing.
I have worked so hard for nothing.

Even if i sold all my stuff.. I'd only get less than that $1000. my possesions have no resalable value.
Then i would have nothing. If i wanted to work for nothing i would have only worked for $200 a week instead of five hundred.

No matter how hard i work its not enough. I do a job i have to achieve what??
Even if i sold all my stuff it still wouldn't be enough for a car. And thats all my money and everything i have good then. I feel like i will never go to america. Everything i ever wanted to do is not going to happen now.

How come after all my work i feel i have nothing to show for it.??
When i had my accident there was nobody to call but mum . No options.
I dont have all these friends like other people.

I feel sick .i cant sleep. Its after four. Iv been lying here for over an hour. I always tell people im  ok but i seldom am . Im certainly not now.

I almost wish id been squished.iv wasted a year struggling to work for nothing.

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