To believe or not to believe.. that is the question...

Let me start by clarifying that this post is about both friendship and romantic love.. faith in people, faith in impending happiness.. Fear of impending doom.

I've found what frustrates me most is that people will say anything to get you to shut up, smile, and momentarily stop worrying.. "You'll find the one.." "you're not meant to be alone..."
If somebody ends up alone.. you'll find people making all sorts of excuses for why this happened.. "They probably didn't try" but if you tell them that's not the case, they'll say "well they must have tried too hard"....
At a seminar I went to that was held at a church... a woman got up and shared her story.. Her story of miscarriage upon miscarriage.. the many comments of so called well meaning people, telling her the miscarriaged didn't matter.. and something she said during her talk, was that "those of us who have a struggle, are trying to keep a balance between hope and despair..."

Hope<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Despair


I really don't know where I sit on that scale.. You see.. my mother is dead.. my male biological parent was never a part of my life.. by his choice, and my sisters and brother chose not to be a part of my life either.. being over a dozen years older than me.. I grew up alone.. with my Mother.. completely isolated from people besides those that I saw at school.
I never had friends at school.. On the recipient end of much bullying.. school was a nightmare for me.. My mother and sister would say that it's when you go to college that you 'get friends' or in the workplace is where you'd find your wonderful true soulmates.. but this hasn't happened for me either...

From a young age their has been a lingering thought that I wouldn't make it into my mid thirties...