If Real Love Exists, It's Going to Have to Break my Nose

It's been a long week. A week of crying, a week of emotional despair. A week of writing sad poems, a week on the phone tearily to my closest girlfriends.
I have come to the end of Relationship 4.
Aaron, John, Glenn, Elliot..
4 men. 4 things in common. Broken promises. Statements promising to marry.. Promises to never leave.
I know in life there are things we can't change, or control. But what amazes me is how the few things I seek out of this life.. are just so rare..
What I seek in other human beings and especially out of a portential life partner or husband.. whatever you want to call it is this.. Honesty, Loyalty, Dependability, Reliability, and Consistency of Character.. I think it's time I add to that list and add on 'Integrity'

What breakups have I experienced? Well.. Aaron was in the hardware section of Kmart Armadale.. Every day we'd tell eachother we were eachothers best friends.. He was behaving in ways that when I analysed to myself.. were not cool.. His mum would be critical of me, and he wouldn't stand up for me.. a definate deal breaker for me... At the start of the relationship he was all gun ho about supporting my christian beliefs.. but by the end he was resentful of them.. It went from 'when we get married I'll come to church with you and the kids' to 'when we get married you can take the kids to church til they're 3.. then they have to decide for themselves'... And finances.. he didn't have a job for the first 5 months, and if he had money he'd spend it on himself. When he got a job he finally felt too good for me.. and moved on I guess.. Which is something the book 'he's just not that into you' says the jobless boyfriend will do!

Why did I stick around? He wrote me poems, and was good with his words.. He'd cook and spend hours talking to me every day.. But at the 3 month mark I discovered he had a photo of an ex girlfriend in his wallet.. behind some stuff. "I didn't know that was there!" he said!
He told me he never wrote his ex girlfriend any poems.. or told her he loved her, but that he did love her.. but never told her. I met her through a friend of her sisters.. one of my good guy friends had gone to school with Aaron and arranged the meeting.. She had dozens of poems he'd written and said that he said the 3 little words all the time.

I regret staying in that relationship past the 3 month mark.. It lasted 7 months.
The relationship was 7 months, and I wasted another 5 feeling sad about it!

The next 18 months was full of first dates.. and a lot of 'getting to know you's'
I remember a date when I was 22 with a 28 year old guy named Todd.. He was telling me all about his ex wife.. and how her pedophile fathers court case destroyed their marriage.. Needless to say there wasn't a date number 2.. Although he made a few random phonecalls to me at 11pm at night! To which my reply was.. 'why are you calling at 11pm at night?' !!!

I remember a night in a club where this guy Rowan looked a bit sad.. and I asked why and he said it was his birthday.. he'd just turned 19.. I tried to cheer him up and encouraged him to dance.. that turned into me getting stuck with him hanging around me.. I made the mistake of giving him my number.. again a mistake made out of pity! He texted me to say that he'd been thinking about suicide until he met me and I changed his life.. WOW I was onto a winner! I agreed to a half hour catch up with him.. at Mcdonalds.. and set my alarm and pretended a friend was in hospital! whenever he texted me after that I told him that my abusive ex boyfriend was back in my life and that I'd get in trouble if I was caught messaging him.. I tried to soften the blow.

I remember one morning I took my bike on the train around 6am on my way to work.. sleep in my eyes, no makeup, and a bike helmut, and I may not have even brushed my hair in such a hurry.. and I was hit on by an extremely cute guy who lived in apartments around the corner from me.. He must have asked for my number and he tried to get in touch with me a lot and one night I ended up catching up with him in his Star Wars obsessed apartment.. The guy was cute and very nice.. but he was as dumb as nails..
he had no IQ points whatsoever... I stopped answering his calls.
Being in his sheer presence regardless of how cute he was.. and how toned his abs were.. I felt like I was losing brain cells just being around him!

I was planning to travel to the states for 3 months.. New Orleans, Florida, OC/California and Seattle.. and Camp America and there was somebody I cared about over there so earnning, saving, working was my focus.

August before I was going to book my flights I had a stupid bike accident and broke my foot. That was it.. my savings disappeared very fast and I couldn't travel. This is one of the main reasons that I just don't gamble with skiing or other high risk sports.. I could no longer go to the states.. and.. I became sad!

Something that I honestly don't know is my downfall or a good thing to believe in.. but my belief in KISMET.. - destiny.. fate.. I will have to post a post on that in itself..
But a guy I had thought was maybe a little cute from my church had been showing some interest.
I will say if you don't believe in 'the rules' then you should.. I talked to him first I'm sure..
There were a few times that I asked if he was getting the train to church.. (we both worked in the city) and he was evasive and unconversational!
At the time I broke my foot he began visiting me.. apparently just as a good deed but that turned into more.. He began calling me with weird excuses.. like that his mother had a dozen eggs she didn't need and would I like them, or that he had a bag of oranges from his mothers farm that I might like to have..
Needless to say before long we ended up dating.. and it snowballed into a relationship.
He was critical of my lifestyle in terms of really bagging out my tiny urban apartment.. I lived within 4 miles of town... He had grown up on a farm.. To make the long story short after some preassure about how much he disliked my apartment he suggested I move in with 2 guys from church. The 3rd guy was moving out to get married and the other 2 couldn't afford the rent. I moved into the 2 story home and was paying $120 for the master bedroom.. when my apartment that was closer to the city was $100 for the whole place! 8 weeks later the guys said that they were not renewing the lease and I had nowhere to live. There was nowhere I was going to find another $100 a week apartment. His mother suggested I move into the rental property of theirs that he lived in and that she would move in until we got married.. That brought me to the next point.. Entrapment. Things in the relationship started to occur that made me very unhappy. Both him and his father pointed out things about my personal appearance that they didn't like.. His parents were again critical and there was no defence.. I felt trapped in the situation.. This time I had moved into an even smaller bedroom.. and had to get rid of a lot to fit into it!
We got engaged around that time and when we had the compulsory pre marital councelling sessions they did nothing but spark massive fights between us!

Knowing I didn't really love him and confused about my trapped situation I told him I didn't want children. What this really meant was "I don't want YOUR children' but I wasn't nasty enough to say that.. My friends asked me 'are you in love with him?" and I responded 'I don't think 'in love' exists.. it's just a Hollywood term...
I remember feeling ill saying that.. and just pushing it out of my mind.
There had been 3 men in my past whom I'd professed to being in love with.. In hindsite I am not sure I was in love with any of them but at the time I felt like it could have been..
Well one of them definateley wasn't.. The other 2.. (including Aaron) maybe were.. I thought they were at the time.. In fact at one time I thought I was in love with 2 guys at once and it was a horrible place to be. So this time around I'm saying I don't even feel like I'm in love.. Yikes! Alarm bells for my friend, but not so for me..

I spent many hours crying about my trapped situation, and calling girls asking if I should break up.. and the response I got was 'you're a cow.. he is so nice' - My mother was a fan of him.. 'oh you might regret it' and he and I even went to speak to 2 pastors about the fact that we didn't have a 'spark'
Bad advice unfortunately.. and 5 years later.. back to square one.
I would never have broken the promises I made despite my unhappiness.. but for men it seems it really is a challenge to find one who will keep his word. This guy played Xbox.. worked away, our marriage was long distance and he never called me.. EVER!
He worked away 2 weeks and was home for 1.. The relationship was a joke. When he was home he would choose XBox over me.. I could have been completely naked! so.. there you have it.
He walked out.. He left..

Living a Godly life in an ungodly world

taken from believe.com

What does it take to live a godly life in an ungodly world? Many of us have asked ourselves this question repeatedly. The signatures of sin and evil are all around us. There has to be something more that we can do than to white-knuckle our way through temptation. 

Simply put, our anchor is Jesus Christ. He is our only salvation from sin—the anchor of our souls (see Hebrews 6:19) that holds firm, especially when the storms of life threaten and when the enemy’s temptations blow hard against us.

Does this mean that we can escape the troubles of this world? No—but it does mean that we set the compass of our hearts on Christ. Then, when the aggressive winds and tumbling waves of temptation come, we will not be overwhelmed by them.

Jesus knew that we would face serious temptations and trials. The night of His arrest, He prayed for us: “[Father], my prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. They are not of the world, even as I am not of it” (John 17:15-16).

Living a godly life in an ungodly world is realizing that we do not belong to ourselves. As believers, we belong to Jesus Christ. He is the Shepherd of our souls, our loving Savior, and eternal Lord—and from a spiritual stand point, we do not belong to this world. Our heavenly Father has provided all that we need to live free of Satan’s temptations, tactics, lies, and snares.

We can begin living the godly life Christ has given us when we:

Have a heart focused and set on Christ. We do this by being committed to prayer and the study of God’s Word. We can’t set our hearts on Christ or learn to live godly lives unless we follow the instruction manual that God has given to us, and this is His Word—the Bible.

Refuse to get caught up in busywork, believing that we are pleasing to God. The greatest gift you can give the Lord is not a full schedule that includes one church meeting after another. Immorality can steal and rob us of a beautiful relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ, but busyness will prevent us from getting to know God in a personal way. We should not allow anything we are doing for God to prevent us from being with God.

Realize that God loves us with an unconditional love. When we draw nearer and nearer to Christ, our desire to follow the way of temptation will fade. No one will ever care as much for us as the Savior does. Christ died so that we might have eternal life. His grace is a gift that cannot be purchased through good works or outstanding behavior. He loved us even before we were born, and He loves us now. We cannot earn His love, and we cannot lose it. When we yield to sin and sense that there is a distance between the Lord and us, it is not because His love for us has faded.

There are consequences to sin that are unavoidable, and one of these is that we sense God’s rebuke because we have grieved His Spirit. But when we pray and ask Him to forgive us, He does—and He restores our fellowship with Him because His love has the ability to cover a multitude of sins (see James 5:20).

Invest in our spiritual future. We are involved in a spiritual battle. Unseen forces wage war against us, but the ultimate victory is won in Christ. Only faith in Jesus Christ wins the battle. It is faith that is not compromised one day and forgotten the next. Instead, it is faith that is built and maintained through love and devotion to God’s Son.

If you are struggling against God’s will and plan for your life, stop. Ask Him to help you understand the depth of His love for you. When you do, you will find that God is giving you the ability you need to live a godly life in an ungodly world!

Evaluating Love

So how do you know you found the one?
What if there isn't one?
What if you could make it work with anybody at all.. What if it's just a matter of effort..?
Is there somebody who is made to be with you? By God... Like Eve for Adam?
If and when you find somebody who you love, how do you evaluate the love?
How do you decide if your life is worth handing over to them?
That might sound intense, but afterall isn't that what love is? You're handing over your life to a person.
No longer do you do it alone but you're doing it with another person.. forever... that's pretty massive.
So.. at the moment I am witnessing turmoil in the lives of friends. People I believed would last.. and be forever.. breaking up before me.
It feels like I'm standing in a magical land of ice.. but the world is warming and everything is melting and I fear for my own safety...
The line 'gamble everything for love' is so true because to love somebody is to put your heart in a jar of liquid nitrogen.. you're either going to have it softly and slowly warmed to the point that it's safely beating in their arms, or you're going to have it shattered beyond repair.. so damaged  that you need extra uper glue.

I'm rambling so I need to go. it's 1am.. but I would love some thoughts on this rheotirical metaphorical topic.

Proverbs 31 Woman - In Modern Language

Hey girls, I wanted to share this one.

Something for us all to strive towards but I prefer this modern language one :)

(Since I don't know how to plough a field hahahah)

Kinda cute and cheeky :)

Proverbs 31 Modern day

by Anita Neuman

07/18/05

Not For Sale

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10 A wife of noble character, who can find? She is worth far more than rubies – so buy her diamonds. 

11 Her husband knows that she has everything under control and he has nothing to complain about. 

12 She is the source of the goodness in his life – not the harm. 

13 She selects denim and cotton-poly blends from the discount rack and works eagerly with her hands to remove the price stickers so her children will not know that their trendy clothes were bought on clearance. 

14 She shops at Target and WalMart and occasionally goes all the way across town to Meijer in order to get the best value for her money. 

15 She is up before the sun, pouring cereal and packing lunches. 

16 She considers an old dresser at a yard sale and buys it, and with the money she saved on her grocery bill, she is able to buy paint and new knobs for the dresser. 

17 She sets about her work vigorously; she can carry two loads of laundry and a child without breaking a sweat. 

18 She sells the dresser on E-Bay and stays up late waiting to see how much profit she’s made. 

19 She replaces missing buttons and mends holes in everyone’s clothing. 

20 She donates to the food bank and gives blood regularly. 

21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household – it’s too bad if they don’t like the bright red hats and scarves; at least they’ll be warm. 

22 She makes the beds and manages to pull together matching outfits for herself. 

23 Her husband goes off to work, where he sits with the other businessmen. 

24 She chooses something she’s good at and figures out how to make money by doing it. 

25 Outwardly, she is clothed with strength and dignity, even if she’s missing an under-wire and she had to grab a longer skirt to hide the huge hole in her pantyhose. She can laugh at the days to come because all the kids’ science projects are done, and last year’s Halloween costume will be adequate for the school play. 

26 She speaks with wisdom, and consistent instruction is on her tongue. 

27 She pays the bills and makes sure everyone gets to the right swimming lessons on the right day. She does not eat the bread of idleness, because she is on Atkins. 

28 Her children yell, “Thanks, Mom” as they grab their lunch and run out the door. Her husband also says, 

29 “Thanks, Babe. You’re the best.” 

30 Charm only gets you so far, and beauty is temporary, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. 

31 Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her respect wherever she goes.

Live as God intended

A girl at church sent me the link to this but I can't find where it's from. She copied and pasted it to us.

Live, as God Intended 20 Oct 2011 'His divine power has given us everything we need...' 2 Peter 1:3 The Bible says, 'His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness... For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. For if you possess these qualities...they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive...' (2 Peter 1:3-8 NIV). Here are ten scriptural principles to help you live, as God intended: 1) Guard your tongue. Always say less than you think and others will respect you. 2) Make promises sparingly, keep them faithfully, and people will trust you. 3) Never let an opportunity pass to say a kind word, and some day you will look back with joy and not regret. 4) Be genuinely interested in others; show it by listening attentively and expressing your appreciation. 5) Be cheerful. Don't dwell on your aches and pains; everybody has trouble. There are people in the nearest hospital who would gladly swop places with you. 6) Keep an open mind and try to get all the facts. Discuss, but don't argue. Learn to disagree without being disagreeable. Give other people the benefit of the doubt. 7) Discourage gossip, it's destructive. 8) Be sensitive to the feelings of others. If you do, people will consider you to be wise. 9) Pay no attention to ill-natured remarks about you. Live so that nobody will believe them. 10) Don't worry about getting the credit, just keep giving your best and be patient. God records and God rewards!

For Christian Single Guys - Finding Gods Best

I was googling the line "The full soul will loathe even the honeycomb, but the empty soul will find even a bitter thing sweet'

(from a Michelle Mckinney Hammond book I'm reading)

When I found this page with excerpts from a book she has written for men :)

I ended up having a bit of a read of the pages that are here, so thought to share it.

It's about exploring your heart to make sure you're looking for love for the right reasons, treating women as you're supposed to before God, and finding a Godly woman to share your life with.. who will submit to you and to God. :)

http://books.google.com.au/books?id=lswXhAOSJsEC&pg=PA16&lpg=PA16&dq=an+empty+soul+will+find+even+a+bitter+thing+sweet&source=bl&ots=t0sr1aIgiX&sig=tPRfHEMu64FBP8lga1poICyeM88&hl=en&ei=fDqzTv-RPMmOmQWUiMTxAw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=2&ved=0CCYQ6AEwAQ#v=onepage&q&f=false

Girls if you read this i LOVE the part about 'avoid women who pursue relationships with you, if a woman is already pursuing the relationship then she is leading and will not submit to you later'

WISH i could convince some of my girlfriends of this one :)

If you're a girl and I've tagged you feel free to share with any christian men you think may benefit from this :)

Like ·  ·  · Promote · Share

• 

  Jeremey Marco Thank you Sky... I'll definitely check this one out as one of my deployment reads. We gotta catch up sometime. Both been so busy it seems.

  November 4, 2011 at 9:20am · Unlike · 1
• 

  Kimi R. Burton Thanks Sky!!! I need to be reminded to be a lady sometimes...especially after my past.

  November 7, 2011 at 11:36pm · Unlike · 1
• 

  Sky Simone Keith Poston

  March 26, 2012 at 2:53pm · Unlike · 1
• 

  Sky Simone Refresher

  February 9 at 9:04pm · Like
• 

  Eddie Starr Interesting timing, Sky Simone. At the place I'm going to, there's a 4 part DVD, talking about how too many people have the mind set "if it doesn't work I can get a divorce." That, right there, is (even subconsciously) a defeatist attitude, because it ...See More

  February 9 at 11:26pm · Unlike · 1
• 

  Sky Simone I would love for that Eddie  thanks!!

  February 9 at 11:52pm via mobile · Like · 1
• 

  Sky Simone Someone who feels the same way and somebody u connect to on that level are very rare as u know!! I'm really excited to hear u have been listening to sermons 

  February 9 at 11:55pm via mobile · Like

What can you do about unanswered prayer? from Firesprin

Rebecca says:

"Praise the Lord,

I lost two job and became jobless for three years.

I entered marriage but it was hell

on earth until my husband

sent me away.

My Auntie introduced me to your website

and also gave me some of your literature

to read,

I took the Esther fast several times

using the 40 prayer points praying for

a job.

One night I had a dream, I had taken

my application somewhere and they

welcomed me warmly

and told that director was not around

but when he comes we shall get back

to you.

I heard some other people yelling: our Administrator has come,

when I woke up I did not believe the dream but Elisha guess what,

A miracle working God gave a job

as an Administrator in one the

universities.

Thank you so much Elisha and may God bless u and ur ministry."

- Sister Rebecca

What can YOU do about

unaswered prayers?

God could have spoken to YOU in your

dreams last night...

... and you may not even remember it!

Today you need much more than the kind of

prayer they pray in most churches in order

to survive and thrive.

You need the kind of prayer that provokes divine dreams and revelations.

http://www.firesprings.com/3tips.htm

Because the irony is this:

God does nothing without prayer!

There are different realms of prayer.

For instance, many of our subscribers

consider it a wasted day if their midnight

prayer fails to target these 3 things:

1. foundation

2. altars

3. gates

Why is this important to YOU?

Let's start with the issue of:

Marriage and relationships...

http://www.firesprings.com/3tips.htm

Because learning how to deal with these

3 things can lead to the most...

>>> To learn the rest of the story and discover

 another important spiritual lesson, follow

 the link below or copy and paste it into

 your browser:

http://www.firesprings.com/3tips.htm

elisha goodman

818 Newport CT

Windsor, ON N9E 4Z5

LOVE - For Singles & Marrieds - What the bible says about being a good husband and wife..

For those of you who are single, and those who are married..

One thing every christian should be striving towards is being the best person they can be, and encouraging their fellow christian to be the best christian they can be too.

The top thing about being a christian is remembering the main commandment to love others as much as yourself, and that means putting others before yourself.

I generally always look at how I can be the best person I can be.. The best friend, the best relative, the best employee.. and one day the best life partner I could be..

Ultimately being the best me and the best me that God has designed me to be.

Being the best you is about little steps and big steps that make up life and so often it's easy to get lost in the haze of life.. and I just really wanted to encourage myself and in turn encourage my christian friends to remember the scriptures and remember what we're here to do. LOVE OTHERS.

if we look at the over quoted Corinthians.. there is so much to be said about love.. and we are called to love EVERYONE.... sometimes it's hard to love people, and sometimes we might think we love people when we don't

so I wanted to share some of the scriptrues I've been referencing.

I'm listening to a 48 hour sermon series on relationships dating and marriage and it's very heavy going stuff.. I'll try to find the details for those who want a copy. It's great for marrieds but just as important for singles.

If you don't plan exactly who you choose to be.. you could end up as somebody different.

I'd love to invite all of you single or married to really read this and medidate on it's true meaning.. and maybe choose to think a little more about how we show love to those who matter most in this time..

there are a few sections to this note.

I'd encourage all of us to think about those we love, and ask if we show all of the fruits of love states in the love chapter.

Below is also 'characters of a Godly husband, and wife'

Even if you are single, perhaps ask yourself 'if I want to be the best person I can be am I exhibiting these qualities in my daily life'

Perhaps make a checklist of things you need to work on.

Feel free to TAG YOUR FRIENDS or friends of friends in this post.. / note.

1) THE LOVE CHAPTER - lets meditate on it.

http://www.bible-guide-online.com/famous-bible-quotes-bible-verses-about-love.html

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous;

love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly;

it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,

does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;

bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails...But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7,13

Love is patient,

True love is unconditional, that is, it does not depend on the attributes or lack thereof of the person loved, therefore, it is willing to give as much time necessary, and as much space as necessary for that person to grow.

love is kind and is not jealous;

Love seeks to give others something of benefit for their welfare, and consequently, rejoices when they do benefit.

love does not brag and is not arrogant,

To lift one's self up in reference to others leaves no room for unconditional, graceful love.

does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own,

To act inappropriately, shamefully (morally, especially in the area of sexual purity) is not in accordance with true love. Love never seeks it's own gratificaiton but rather the interests of others.

is not provoked,

Selfishness seeks to manipulate others by stimulating certain selfish emotions. Love will not do this to others, nor will it let it happen to itself.

does not take into account a wrong suffered,

Forgivenss. Let it go. Bitterness is the acid. You are the container. Get rid of it or it will kill you.

does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;

Love does not somehow gloss over things that are going to be hurtful. True love originates from the truth.

bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

If love really is unconditional, it will hold any weight, face any doubt, persist through hopelessness, and last any trial

Love never fails...

If it did, would it be love?

But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Someday, faith will not be needed, for we will see God. Hope will not be needed, for when everything is fulfilled, there is no need for hope. But love, yes, to it there will be no end. If it did, it wouldn't be love.

***********************************************************************************************

QUALITIES OF A GODLY MATE

http://bible.org/seriespage/qualities-godly-mate

Qualities of a Godly Husband

Initially it seemed that Proverbs had little to say to the woman who sought to discern the qualities of a godly husband. I have come to see that this is not at all the case. In general, we can say that a woman should seek a man who is wise. Since we have already studied the characteristics of the wise, we will only summarize them here. These seem especially applicable to marriage:

1. A wise husband is kind and compassionate (12:10).

2. A wise husband is honest (29:24).

3. A wise husband is hard-working (12:11; 27:23-27).

4. A wise husband is truthful (12:17,19).

5. A wise husband exercises self-control (12:15; 16:32).

6. A wise husband has a gentle tongue (12:18; 15:1-2,4).

7. A wise husband is generous (14:21; 28:27).

8. A wise husband is willing to be corrected (even by his wife) and listens to counsel (12:15; 15:12,31-32; 28:13; 29:1).

9. A wise husband is a man of integrity (19:1; 20:7).

10. A wise husband is faithful and reliable (17:17; 29:3; contrast 25:19; 31:3).

11. A wise husband is forgiving (19:11).

12. A wise husband is willing to admit he is wrong (28:13).

13. A wise husband is humble (15:25,33; 16:18-19; 18:12; 29:23).

14. A wise husband is not contentious, but a peacemaker (17:1; 18:1,19).

15. A wise husband has control of his temper (14:29; 16:32; 17:27; 29:11).

16. A wise husband is a man who avoids excesses (20:1; 23:20-21, 29-35; 31:3-9).

17. A wise husband has a concern for others, especially the poor and the oppressed (29:7).

18. A wise husband can keep a confidence (17:9; 26:20).

19. A wise husband fears God and is obedient to His Word (13:13; 14:26; 16:20; 28:25; 31:30).

20. A wise husband is not a jealous man (27:4).

21. A The wise husband has a positive outlook on life (15:15; 17:22; 18:14).

Character Traits of a Godly Wife

Proverbs is most specific with regard to the qualities of the godly wife. These are highlighted by contrasting the moral flaws of a woman who is far from virtuous.

1. A GODLY WIFE IS GODLY. Godliness begins with a proper relationship to God. A godly wife is, first and foremost, a woman who fears God.

Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised (31:30).

In contrast, the woman to avoid is the one who does not know or fear God. She is sometimes referred to as a “strange woman,” that is a foreigner, one who has no knowledge of the God of Israel (cf. 2:25; 5:3,20; 7:5). She is actively evil and has no grasp of the way of the Lord.

She does not ponder the path of life; Her ways are unstable, she does not know it (5:6).

To keep you from the evil woman, From the smooth tongue of the adulteress (6:24).

While perhaps not synonymous with a fear of God, the godly wife is referred to as virtuous or excellent (12:4; 31:10). This seems to describe the moral excellence of the godly wife, a result of her godliness.

2. A GODLY WIFE IS WISE. You will recall that wisdom is personified as a woman in the Book of Proverbs (cf. 1:20-33; 8:1-36; 9:1-6). So also the ideal wife is characterized as a woman of wisdom.

The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish tears it down with her own hands (14:1).

She opens her mouth in wisdom, And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue (31:26).

The opposite of the godly woman is the woman of folly.

The woman of folly is boisterous, She is naive, and knows nothing (9:13).

As a ring of gold in a swine’s snout, So is a beautiful woman who lacks discretion (11:22).

3. A GODLY WIFE HONORS HER HUSBAND. A man who has married a godly wife has a wife who will bring honor to him. She is truly a helper to her husband.

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, But she who shames him is as rottenness in his bones (12:4).

The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack, of gain. She does him good and not evil All the days of her life (31:11-12).

An ungodly wife humiliates and harasses her husband. She is not a helper but a hindrance to her mate. She is “as rottenness in his bones” (12:4). By her haranguing, she makes him miserable:

A foolish son is destruction to his father, And the contentions of a wife are a constant dripping (19:13).

4. A GODLY WIFE IS GRACIOUS. One reason honor is given the godly woman is that she is known for her graciousness.

A gracious woman attains honor, And violent men attain riches (11:16).

The ungodly woman is spoken of in very unbecoming terms. She is vexing, due to her contentious nature:

It is better to live in a corner of a roof, Than in a house shared with a contentious woman (21:9; cf. 25:24).

It is better to live in a desert land, Than with a contentious and vexing woman (21:19).

5. A GODLY WIFE IS FAITHFUL TO HER HUSBAND. This is most clearly shown by contrast with the woman of folly who is an adulteress.

To deliver you from the strange woman, From the adulteress who flatters with her words; That leaves the companion of her youth, And forgets the covenant of her God (2:16-17).

To keep you from the evil woman, From the smooth tongue of the adulteress (6:24).

“Come, let us drink our fill of love until morning; Let us delight ourselves with caresses For the man is not at home. . . ” (7:18-19).

While it is not stated explicitly, it is implied and assumed that a godly wife is one who maintains sexual purity. She is a woman who is virtuous or excellent (31:10), in whom her husband has complete trust (31:11). She does her husband only good and not evil (31:12).She teaches her son the virtues of sexual purity (31:3). Certainly she is a woman of sexual purity.

Character Traits of a Good Friend

Some may not realize that the traits of a good friend relate to the character of one’s mate, but a little reflection shows why this must be so. The breaking of the marriage covenant is a sin against a companion, a close and intimate friend.

That leaves the companion of her youth, And forgets the covenant of her God (2:17).

The term rendered “companion” here is used elsewhere (cf. 16:28; 17:9; Ps. 55:13) for the closest of friends.33 If my mate is not a friend, what is she? And yet some have foolishly chosen to marry one who fails to qualify even as a friend. We will briefly summarize the qualities of a good friend, considering also the characteristics of those with whom we should avoid associating.

1. A GOOD FRIEND IS FAITHFUL. Fair weather friends are numerous, and Proverbs mentions these (cf. 14:20; 19:4,6,7). But a true friend is a person who is still there even when the going gets tough.

A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity (17:17).

A man of many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother (18:24).

Do not forsake your own friend or your father’s friend, And do not go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity; Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother far away (27:10).

2. A GOOD FRIEND REBUKES US WHEN NECESSARY. There are things which may need to be said to a friend that are not easy to say. I am disappointed by the sentimentalism that pervades our friendships so that we flatter our friends when we need to frankly rebuke them. A true friend is the one who is honest enough to tell us what we need to hear, rather than to flatter us.

A man who flatters his neighbor Is spreading a net for his steps (29:5).

Better is open rebuke Than love that is concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy (27:5-6).

Why is it, then, that we seem to think that a wife should never criticize her husband? Is it not better to be corrected by our closest friend than by an enemy? Sometimes the kindest thing a wife can do for her husband is to tell him that his idea is absolutely ridiculous--in a gracious way, of course.

3. A GOOD FRIEND IS THOUGHTFUL AND TACTFUL. A good friend is sensitive to our needs and speaks in such a way that we are encouraged and enriched. His sensitivity is demonstrated in his understanding that gaiety and goodwill is not always appropriate nor appreciated. “It matters not only ‘what’ we say, but ‘how,’ ‘when’ and ‘why’ we say it.”34

Like one who takes off a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar on soda, Is he who sings songs to a troubled heart (25:20).

He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, It will be reckoned a curse to him (27:14).

4. A GOOD FRIEND SHARPENS US. Not only do we need to be criticized when necessary, but sometimes we need to be probed or stretched in our thinking. A good friend does not allow us to become intellectually stagnant, but prods us on to higher and greater thoughts.

Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another (27:17).

A plan in the heart of a man is like deep water, But a man of understanding draws it out (20:5).

Isn’t this true to life? Don’t you seek to develop friendships with those who will challenge your thinking and present you with new avenues of thought? Why should one of these friends not be your mate?

5. A GOOD FRIEND OFFERS US WISE COUNSEL. Those whom we choose as friends should be marked by wisdom and thus have godly counsel to offer.

Oil and perfume make the heart glad, So a man’s counsel is sweet to his friend (27:9).

Think back for a moment to the account of David, Nabal, and Abigail in 1 Samuel 25. David was angered because of the ungracious words of Nabal to his young men. He was determined to wipe out every male in the house of Nabal (25:13,34).Abigail quickly formulated a plan to appease David’s anger and then spoke words of wise counsel, pointing out how detrimental David’s actions would be to his future rule as king (25:28-31). David’s reply indicates his appreciation of the wisdom of her words:

Then David said to Abigail, “Blessed be the Lord God of Israel, who sent you this day to meet me, and blessed be your discernment, and blessed be you, who have kept me this day from bloodshed, and from avenging myself by my own hand” (1 Sam. 25:32-33).

I would simply point out that David was indeed wise to marry a woman who could offer such wise counsel. And we would do well to marry one who offers wise counsel as well. Why is it, then, that husbands seem to think that the biblical instruction concerning the submission of the wife to her husband precludes her offering him wise counsel, if offered tactfully and in a submissive spirit? Let us learn from David and Abigail.

While we should seek those with the above-mentioned qualities to be our friends, we must also shun those who have characteristics which would hinder our walk in wisdom. If we are not to associate with the following kinds of people, certainly we ought not to marry them either. Here are some character traits which would seem to disqualify a person as a partner in marriage:

1. WE OUGHT NOT ASSOCIATE WITH A FOOL.

He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will suffer harm (13:20).

Leave the presence of a fool, Or you will not discern words of knowledge (14:7).

2. WE OUGHT NOT ASSOCIATE WITH THOSE WHO HAVE AN UNCONTROLLABLE TEMPER.

Do not associate with a man given to anger; Or go with a hot-tempered man, Lest you learn his ways, And find a snare for yourself (22:24-25).

3. WE SHOULD NOT ASSOCIATE WITH THOSE WHO ARE EVIL:

Do not be envious of evil men, Nor desire to be with them; For their minds devise violence, And their lips talk of trouble (24:1-2).

He who is a partner with a thief hates his own life; He hears the oath but tells nothing (29:24).

4. WE SHOULD NOT ASSOCIATE WITH ONE WHO IS A REVOLUTIONARY.

My son, fear the Lord and the king; Do not associate with those who are given to change; For their calamity will rise suddenly, And who knows the ruin that comes from both of them? (24:21-22)

There are some who are always out to change things--society, government, other people. It is not wrong to try to improve things, but the revolutionary is more bent on removing than improving. The revolutionary wants change for the sake of change, not change for the sake of improvement. Incidentally, some seem bent on finding a mate who needs improving--a sort of life-long project. Proverbs does not recommend it.

5. WE SHOULD NOT ASSOCIATE WITH THOSE WHO HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THEIR APPETITES.

He who keeps the law is a discerning son, But he who is a companion of gluttons humiliates his father (28:7).

The Character Traits of a Godly Child

Some time ago I was arrested by the words of the Centurion in the Gospel of Matthew:

“For I too am a man under authority, with soldiers under me; and I say to this one, “Go” and he goes, and to another, “Come” and he comes, and to my slave, “Do this” and he does it” (Matt. 8:9, emphasis mine).

Up until this time I had always understood the Centurion to say that he was a man of authority, not a manunder it. Perhaps this is some kind of euphemism. But I believe that it is a biblical principle (and one that is evident in life) that no man is fit for authority who has not learned to be subject to it. After all, even our Lord learned obedience (Heb. 5:8).

I believe that Proverbs teaches us that we can tell much about the character of a person by observing his relationship to his parents. Note these passages:

A wise son accepts his father’s discipline, But a scoffer does not listen to rebuke (13:1).

A fool rejects his father’s discipline, But he who regards reproof is prudent (15:5).

A wise son makes a father glad, But a foolish man despises his mother (15:20).

A foolish son is a grief to his father, And bitterness to her who bore him (17:25).

He who assaults his father and drives his mother away Is a shameful and disgraceful son (19:26).

Listen to your father who begot you, And do not despise your mother when she is old (23:22).

The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice, And he who begets a wise son will be glad in him. Let your father and your mother be glad, And let her rejoice who gave birth to you (23:24-25).

There is a kind of man who curses his father, And does not bless his mother (30:11).

All of these passages point to the fact that a good son is a godly man, and a godly man makes a good husband. Any man who is not a good son will not be a good husband.

There is one more proverb which has to do with parents. Frankly, I find it troublesome, but it informs us that we must seek to learn something of the home life of our mate before we marry him--or her:

Under three things the earth quakes, And under four, it cannot bear up: Under a slave when he becomes king, And a fool when he is satisfied with food, Under an unloved woman when she gets a husband, And a maidservant when she supplants her mistress (30:21-23).

There is a common thread which runs through each of these four unbearable situations--one gets something which he is unaccustomed to and which he will find difficult to handle once he has it. A slave has only known authority over him, yet when he becomes king his authority is absolute. His temptation will be to abuse his newly acquired authority. A fool would normally know only poverty and deprivation. With a full stomach he will hardly know how to behave. Certainly much of his incentive will be lost. A maidservant who now has authority over her mistress will be inclined to get even by making life miserable for her former mistress. She who once felt abused and oppressed will give her mistress a taste of oppression. So too with an unloved woman. Since she has never known genuine love, she may very well presume upon it and by trying to drink this new cup to the full make her husband regret the day he vowed to be faithful in his love toward her.

I realize that some of you have come from homes in which there was little or no love. You may wonder if this proverb condemns you to a life of loneliness. I think not. Certainly God’s grace is sufficient for every need. But it should warn us that those who have not known love in their childhood years will have a tendency to abuse it in marriage. A mate who has not been loved by parents should not take this out on the marriage partner. And the one who marries a mate who has been unloved should be sensitive to the kind of problems such a childhood produces. The sins of the fathers (and mothers) are passed along, to later generations (Ex. 20:5).

Throughout the Book of Proverbs we have seen the teaching of the father and the mother, instructing and warning the child. Unfortunately, that is not the way every home operates. I am sure most of us are not entirely happy with the way we are raising our children. This means that we may learn a great deal about our mate by giving thought to the home environment in which he or she was raised. Proverbs implies that the influence of the home has a great deal to do with a child’s success in life as a partner in marriage. Here is a factor we cannot afford to overlook.

Galatians 5:22-23

New International Version (NIV)

 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.