Flirting and Christianity... is it ever ok?

Hey boys and girls.

So another thought piece by myself designed for my fellow christian friends.

If you are NOT a christian and are reading this, you are probably going to think I'm a weirdo.. but I'd invite you to have a read anyhow.

I will also be sharing this on a couple of christian boards and invite feedback, such as christian singles and the marriage bed.

FLIRTING AND CHRISTIANITY - Is it Ever Ok? - by me :)

I have heard the discussion of teens in the church, and people older.. in their twenties and thirties.. Flirting.. what is the harm? I have seen many extreme variations of opinion on the matter.

On one hand flirting can be argued to be casual and fun, on the other hand it can be argued to be misleading and potentially damaging to peoples self esteem. - The person you're flirting with OR the person you're in a relationship with if you're flirting with somebody else.

There are a lot of opinions on the topic. Some are from christian relationship books, others are from books about being a man or woman of noble character, and others have been opinions shared in sermons or on youth camps.

Lets explore the different issues and arguements at hand here.

1) What is flirting?

Well according to Wiki http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flirting

"Flirting (or coquetry) is a playful, romantic, or sexual overture by one person to another subtly indicating an interest in a deeper relationship with the other person, and can involve verbal communication as well as body language. A female flirt, especially a young one, is sometimes called a coquette; but when a man flirts with a woman it is sometimes referred to as gallantry or chivalry."

Right there we have our first issue. Flirting according to Wikepedia is expressing interest.. which seems to be interest in more than friendship.

This means for the male or female who are said to be 'flirtacious' that they are expressing interest in more than friendship with other people. Whether intentional or unintentional, a christian who wants noble character needs to explore if this is something Jesus would condone. A question to ask yourself ir you are a man or woman who is said to be flirtacious is 'Is my behaviour with or towards this person God honoring? and am I honoring the person I am talking to?"

For a christian single to be 'flirtacious' means that they are (said to be) naturally flirty.

This could mean playfully pushing the opposite sex, compliamenting them or gesting.

Do you flirt with the same sex? Would a man joyfully tickle a christian males ab region? Would a girl playfully push a female friend with a coy giggle?

Perhaps you might make flirty comments to your same sex OR opposite sex friends like 'you look fantastic..' in a coy funny voice.. but you certainly wouldnt be play fighting with membesr of the same sex.. so

Play Fighting...

Play fighting is generally used for 2 reasons. 1) to get a form of erronious contact with the opposite sex that is indirectly sexual.

2) as a way to express interest in a possible datinig partner

3) Something you do out of habit

Flirty Compliaments..

Flirty compliaments could possibly fit into platonic friendships.. but ask yourself 'if this platonic friend had a spouse, would I be giving them this flirty compliament in front of their spouse?

If the answer is no... or if the answer is that the flirty compliament may make the spouse feel threatened, then ask yourself - is this God honoring?

I have seen some boys in the church who are said to be 'flirts' and I have seen the same of girls.

My own observations have been that these people have had to tone themselves down and really look at their behaviour before they were able to get into successful exclusive relationships.

What else can flirting do?

Flirting can give somebody a false perception that you are interested in them for more than friendship.

Ask yourself 'do I want to date this person? am I trying to let them know that I want to?'

if you are single and flirty, are you giving the opposite sex misleading ideas that you are interested in them?

This could be potentially hurtful and damaging to their self esteem.

Are you in a relationship and 'flirty'? Ask yourself how your partner would percieve your flirty behaviour towards the opposite sex. You might respond 'Well they should trust me or be comfortable in the relationship to know that I don't mean it' BUT what I would like to encourage you to ask yourself is.. 'Am i honoring my partner when I behave this way? Is it honoring God for me to behave this way?"

In conclusion the purpose of me writing this article is not because I want to tell you how to think.

It is because whether you are single or in a relationship I'd like to invite you to see the potential damage that flirting does.

I would like to invite you to ask yourself the question 'Is my flirty behavior God honoring?' and 'Is my flirty behaviour honoring the person I'm flirting with? OR the person I am in relationship with?'

Another question I'd like to ask you is 'Am I trying to provoke sexual desire either directly OR indirectly in the person that I am flirting with? Is that honoring to them? God? The person I am dating (if you are dating).?"

FLIRTING AND CHRISTIANITY - IS IT EVER OK??

The secular world encourages it as the norm... but we need to make our own decisions from our heart and based on our own knowledge of the bible..

My own conclusion would be that flirting has one and only one place.. As a single person if you are romantically interested in pursuing a relationship with another, then flirting can be used (in a non sexual way) to express interest, and suss out the interest of another person.

However flirting .. - if you do it as a habit, or flirt with many people or are said to be 'flirtacious' or 'flirty' or are in a relationship... Definately has potentially damaging consequences.

I would love to invite people to share their opinions or thoughts on what I've written

Part 2 will be about having God honoring friendships with the opposite sex... :)